


long awaited

by littlemsmessy, ndnickerson



Category: Nancy Drew - Carolyn Keene
Genre: F/M, Married Couple, Married Sex, Miscarriage, Pregnancy, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-17
Updated: 2016-02-17
Packaged: 2018-05-21 04:56:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6039019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlemsmessy/pseuds/littlemsmessy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/ndnickerson/pseuds/ndnickerson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ned has a surprise for Valentine's Day, but Nancy just might have one too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	long awaited

**Author's Note:**

> This is set after the last published chapter of littlemsmessy's story [I'll Be Waiting](http://nancydrewfic.livejournal.com/tag/i%27ll%20be%20waiting) (which is viewable only to members of that community), and refers heavily to the rest of the story.
> 
> Written for littlemsmessy's birthday! Please see [this post](http://ivory-charmed.livejournal.com/122969.html) for more information.
> 
> (I've added her as a co-author, because she created this universe; I'm just writing a possible ending to the story she had nearly completed.)

For the tenth time that night, Nancy's chin jerked up, and she muttered a soft gasp as she opened her eyes. The television was still on, although the show was new, and she was still alone. Trying to somehow fool herself into exhaustion wouldn't make the bed upstairs any less empty.

Shuffling toward the foot of the stairs, she glanced back to make sure the front door was securely locked and bolted, then stifled a huge yawn as she flipped off the recessed kitchen lighting and plunged the lower story into darkness. Her cell phone was clutched in her hand, and as she made her way toward the golden glow of the upstairs landing, she checked its glossy screen again.

Just a few email notifications: a sale at Nordstrom's, a bed and bath sale at another department store. No missed call from Ned. Not that she could imagine having slept through his ringtone.

She glanced down at the sparkling engagement ring and engraved band circling her left ring finger, and smiled as she shuffled toward the upstairs bathroom. The air was chilly, but she knew she would appreciate it once she was nestled snug under the covers—although her favorite personal heating blanket wasn't around to keep the February chill away. She shivered when the cold water from the tap touched her already-freezing hands.

Valentine's Day. It seemed fitting. His makeshift, heartfelt proposal had happened when they had been celebrating the holiday, and their second wedding ceremony had been six months before. As much as she had loved their first wedding, had loved walking down the aisle to him and promising that she would be his, now she understood what that meant. She had been beyond grateful to him, for giving her a second chance. The heady promise of a fresh start, of coming home again, had been intoxicating.

Not everything was as it had been, but she didn't expect it to be. Some of Ned's friends, and even his own parents, had been wary about trusting her or trusting the happiness their renewed relationship had given Ned. She couldn't blame them. Their love for Ned made them want to protect him, and she felt the same way.

There was only one woman she blamed, and even she didn't seem nearly as important now. Nothing did. Just the life she shared with Ned again—except this time, they really _were_ sharing their lives. Their hopes and fears and dreams, all the stresses of building their new careers. Nancy had admitted to Ned, while she was still finding office space and deciding how she was going to organize her consulting and private investigations firm, that she feared she would waste time sitting alone in an out of the way office and fail quietly after a few months. With so many services and apps available on the Internet to help catch cheating spouses and impostors, she just hadn't been sure if there was enough out there to support her. Just like Ned had worried that sports management agencies were a dime a dozen, that what he was planning would fizzle out before he had even finished his MBA.

But they had reassured each other. Nancy was the best at what she did; Ned had chosen a career that dovetailed so perfectly with his interests and his natural abilities that Nancy had been sure he wouldn't fail. And they had both been right, so far.

Not that it was all champagne and confetti, Nancy thought to herself with a half-deprecating smirk, as she pulled back the comforter and slid beneath. She hated that Ned's side of the bed was empty, but she was sure he felt the same way, when she was away overnight on cases. He was in Texas, meeting with a few hopefuls. He'd be back tomorrow. It just wasn't soon enough for her.

She gasped sharply when her cell phone began to ring, impatiently grasping for it. "Yeah? Hello?"

"Did I wake you, gorgeous?"

She relaxed when she heard his deep, familiar voice, closing her eyes as she rested against the pillow again. "No, not yet. I was definitely thinking about you, though."

"In a way that involved something sheer and silky and ended with us having phone sex?"

She chuckled. "Let's just say I'm a little impatient for the real thing."

"Which I'll be happy to give you as many times as you like tomorrow," he said, his voice a low growl.

Nancy shivered a little, but she was smiling. "I doubt you called just to whisper sweet nothings into my ear from a thousand miles away."

"And there, my dear detective, you would be wrong. That's _exactly_ what I called to do." He paused. "And to ask your opinion about something."

"Ahh," she murmured. "Fire away."

The only thing that would make this more perfect—other than Ned's presence on the other side of the bed, of course, she thought with a sigh—would be a tall glass of Pinot to sip as she listened to his familiar voice and followed his reasoning. This, this ease between them, being a sounding board for him just as he was for her... she had missed it so much, during the years they had been apart. She had missed everything about their relationship, even when it had been strained and stressful, and she vowed to herself every time things were tough that she wouldn't let herself fuck this up again. Not ever again.

She didn't regret marrying him when they had been young, but they had been able to have so little time together... and, in a way, she didn't feel like they had been truly married until he had put that second wedding band on her finger. Sleeping apart was the exception instead of the norm now. He was there for her and with her in all the ways that mattered. It truly felt like she had come home, in every sense of the word.

She didn't know what she would have done over the past year, if he hadn't changed his mind and decided to take a chance on finding happiness with her again. She would have been okay, eventually, but she would always have known that half of her heart was with him. Even while he was married to Sophie. Just the thought made her shudder.

Once they had talked about the athletes Ned had traveled down to evaluate—one of them sounded like a hothead and a liability, and although his innate talent made him nearly irresistible, Nancy agreed with Ned's hunch that he would be more trouble than he was worth—Nancy began to twist a lock of hair around her finger, even though Ned couldn't see it. "So, handsome, do I get another clue tonight?"

"Unh-uh," Ned replied. "Not until we're in the same zip code. You'll just have to puzzle through what you already have."

"Mmm. Are you sure I can't persuade you to change your mind?"

They were both tired; neither of them was twenty-one anymore. But hearing his voice, the distraction of their conversation, was her lifeline. When they hung up the phone, she was sure she would be staring up at the ceiling, hoping desperately that sleep would come soon. And she did _not_ need to be exhausted at work tomorrow.

She was curious about what his plans for their Valentine celebration were, though. Given the extravagant celebrations in the past, the spontaneous trip to Paris early in their first marriage, the dates he had organized when they had first started talking again, and how incredibly romantic her husband was, she had to admit that she had certain expectations. They had spent Thanksgiving and Christmas in and around Chicago, visiting family and friends. This was a holiday they could take all for themselves. They could spend their days wrapped around each other in some lavish suite in Paris or New York, or somewhere even more exotic. Thanks to the clues he had given her so far, she had a few ideas about where they might end up.

In the end, it was a thought exercise, a puzzle that would end only in one way. All she wanted was him. In the bedroom at their townhouse, on the plush overstuffed couch, on the dining room table, on the kitchen counter; she wasn't picky. They had nearly christened the back seat of his Lexus a couple of times, but they had always made it inside first...

That was, if she wasn't on her period.

After a few more minutes and another pair of deep, hastily-stifled yawns, Ned told her he loved her and wished her a good night, and she did the same, her lashes drifting down. As soon as she put her phone back down on the bedside table and snuggled her cold hands under the covers, though, her eyes popped open.

It might be the last Valentine's Day before everything changed.

She slid down on the bed, until the covers were nearly over her head, and tried to make herself go to sleep.

\--

"And now, to Sonya for the weather."

Nancy pressed the Seek button on her radio, heading to the next station. Maybe she was guilty of indulging in a little schadenfreude every now and then, listening to the newscast that used to showcase another perky meteorologist, but not today.

Sophie Lyons, who had so nearly become the second Mrs. Ned Nickerson, had gone to trial almost a year ago over her DUI arrests and the teenager she had struck. Nancy's father had only agreed to represent her once she had signed a legal document swearing that she would either stop publication of the tell-all book she had written to smear Nancy and Ned's reputations, or change it to something that wouldn't invite a defamation suit. Knowing that it was the only condition that would allow her the best possible defense attorney in the Midwest, Sophie had reluctantly agreed.

Halfway through the trial, though, Sophie had accused Nancy's father of putting forth less than his best effort in her defense. She had been caught dead to rights by Chicago PD, and though Carson grilled the police officers, analysts and experts when they took the stand, their answers remained consistent. Sophie's breathalyzer results hadn't been tampered with or inconsistent. She had been tearful and apologetic at the scene of the accident.

Still, that hadn't been enough for her. Her career was ruined, and her relationship with Ned was past salvaging. She had still been bitter, though, and in her bitterness she had struck out against Carson, the best hope she had at beating the charges. When she told him she was firing him, against her lawyer's loud and unambiguous protests, Carson accepted it calmly, but not without reminding her that their agreement still stood. He had fulfilled his half of the bargain. She hadn't.

Nancy well remembered just how heartbroken and upset she herself had been when her marriage to Ned had broken up. She didn't want to, but she couldn't help feeling a little sorry for Ned's jilted fiancée. But Sophie did deserve to be in prison for a while. The teenager she had struck had mostly recovered, but her injuries would never fully heal.

And Sophie had published the book anyway, of course. Nancy hadn't been able to bring herself to read it, and neither had Ned, so Bess had given them a breathless summary over brunch two days after the release. At first, the changes had been laughably nominal: "Ted" instead of Ned, a football career instead of basketball, the conniving, seductive "Gracie" instead of Nancy. "Then she finds out that Gracie," Bess had nodded in Nancy's direction, indicating her pseudonym, "is a psychopath who just wants to murder 'Ted' and steal his money." Bess had speared another strawberry half with her fork. "Did you talk to her about Jessica Thorne?"

"That name might've come up," Ned had mumbled, glancing away.

Bess had nodded once, as though in confirmation. "So, yeah. Of course Ted doesn't believe her, and she has to prove it to him. There's a big confrontation, maniacal laughter, lightning flashes, blah blah. She ends up pushing Gracie off the top of a parking deck. She's all blood and splayed limbs, Ted's manly voice is quivering with emotion as he thanks her for saving his life and slides the ring back onto her finger... blah blah blah."

Nancy and Ned had glanced at each other, both disturbed and bemused. "Well, at least there's no risk of anyone believing it's _true_ ," Nancy had pointed out.

"Except that it kinda is?" Ned had replied, scratching his earlobe. "I mean, I never told her about that case in Montana..."

"True." Nancy had shivered.

"So I guess it would sound incredibly, hilariously impossible to anyone who didn't know you personally."

"Oh, don't worry about _that,_ " Bess had replied. "Sweetie, I was there for half the crazy stuff that happened to you, and this was _still_ just... over the top, but in a bad way. I mean, she didn't even have the decency to put some so-bad-they're- _almost_ -good sex scenes in there."

" _Fifty Shades of Ned,_ " Nancy had interjected, and the three of them had almost cried with laughter after that.

Bess had shaken her head once she had recovered, patting at her tearstained cheeks with her napkin. "Girl, I would buy the _shit_ out of that," she had said with a grin. "Unlike the original _Fifty Shades_ , or Sophie's ridiculous garbage. Trust me, it'll be bargain-bin in a week."

Bess's prediction had proven true. Sophie's book was a punchline now. Oh, the paparazzi had staked out Nancy and Ned's townhouse for a while, shoving cameras and microphones in their faces, trying to goad either Nancy or Ned into making some ill-advised emotional statement, but neither of them had risen to the bait, and then no one had cared. When Sophie had been desperate for one last shot at them, she had filed her own suit alleging mental cruelty and anguish, and that had been thrown out of court.

_Bet Edith's glad to have me back as her daughter-in-law_ now,Nancy thought with a very tiny smile—and immediately berated herself. Sophie's heart had been broken once she had lost Ned. She had just acted out differently than Nancy had. Very, very differently.

As happy as Nancy and Ned were now, though, one thing was missing. One thing that would make their life together even more complete.

Nancy had gone off her birth control before the wedding had even taken place, and she and Ned had agreed: they would let things play out naturally. If they were meant to have a child that way, so be it. If not, once the year was nearly up, they could look into adoption.

It was hard, though. Nancy's window was rapidly closing, if she wanted to carry a healthy child she and Ned conceived together. Every month, she had a one in five chance of actually getting pregnant, and her chances reset every time. The odds just weren't great.

But she and Ned had conceived before. Losing that child hadn't broken their relationship; her reaction to her pregnancy and the loss had definitely widened the cracks, though. She supposed it was only natural that she was apprehensive this time around.

The first few months, she had been so apprehensive and cautiously hopeful on the day before her period had been scheduled to arrive, but it had come without fail. Once or twice, as though to tease her, it had waited a day—and then destroyed her hopes. Six months of that had left her almost convinced that they would never have another pregnancy, and at least the pressure and anxiety had lessened. She still mourned, though. She couldn't help it.

Three months before, her period had been late, and she had let herself begin to hope that maybe it was true. She had taken three pregnancy tests, and had seen a faint positive result on each. But her period had begun a week later.

Once she had seen the blood, once she had known for sure, she had come out of the bathroom with her face red and wet from her tears, and Ned had held her and comforted her as she had told him everything, everything she had been afraid to say, afraid to hope for. It had hurt—some days, it still hurt—but at least she had been able to share it with him, and he had been here for her this time. At least she had allowed him to be. At least now they were in a place that allowed them that intimacy and that closeness.

Nancy had been so busy trying to mentally prepare herself for the news that she and Ned would never be biological parents, psyching herself up by trying to tell herself that their child-free life was easier, that when her period had been a few days late in February, she hadn't let herself believe it meant anything. Seeing another positive result on a pregnancy test, only to have her hopes dashed so thoroughly later, would devastate her. So she just hadn't. She just lingered in a terrible limbo between tentative joy and heart-wrenching sadness. Even if she saw another positive pregnancy test, she didn't know if she would be able to bring herself to believe it. Her most recent miscarriage had hurt so much, and so many of her fears had come rushing back. Maybe her miscarriages were a sign that she and Ned weren't meant to have biological children, that something about the two of them was genetically incompatible.

She refused to see it as a bad omen about their marriage, though. That would tear her apart.

Halfway through the morning, her good friend Angie distracted her with a text, and Nancy was more than grateful. Angie had come to Chicago for Ned and Nancy's wedding, beaming with pride as she had told Bess and George that she'd had a hand in setting the whole thing in motion. She had, it was true. More than that, though, they had never stopped loving each other. All they had needed was to see each other again, to work their way through the pain that had kept them apart for so long, back to the pure joy that they knew without a doubt they could only find together. Angie would be traveling to Chicago soon, and was thinking about extending her business trip through the weekend, if Nancy and Ned wanted to meet and catch up.

Nancy moved through her day, determined and focused, despite the lack of caffeine; she had given it up when they had started trying for a baby, along with all but the occasional small glass of wine. The last thing she wanted was to do anything that could prevent or lessen her chances of carrying a healthy baby. Ned would be back in Chicago for dinner, and she wanted to make something for him, some comforting meal he would enjoy.

For minutes at a time, half an hour, an hour, she wasn't listening to the steady hum of both fear and anticipation constantly playing in her head. She was waiting for her period to start. She was waiting for some sign, something, that last dying breath of her hope. The other shoe had to drop soon.

She was too afraid to buy a test again. Too afraid to have it confirmed as just wishful thinking; too afraid that a positive result would just begin some terrible countdown inside her. She and Ned were already so much closer to their self-imposed deadline.

Thirty minutes before she was planning on heading home, though, she pulled up one of the clues Ned had given her about Valentine's Day. Something about it had suddenly jogged her memory. She stared at her cell phone screen for a long moment, then found the bit of code he had given her. Until she had some inkling of the contents, she had known it would be almost impossible to solve, just as he had intended.

He knew her so well. The best way to keep her attention was to keep her always guessing.

New York. He was planning to take her to New York.

She checked just before she left work, but she didn't see any sign that she had begun spotting. And if she actually was pregnant, it wasn't a great idea to fly right now.

She was worried about nothing. She knew that. She had to be.

Before she had left the townhouse, Nancy had put a beef roast in the slow cooker. As soon as she slid her key into the lock on the front door, she could smell it, and she shivered, sniffing the air as she closed the door behind her and tried to keep her teeth from chattering. Ned had texted her just before his plane took off, and she would need to hurry, to make sure the meal was finished by the time he came home.

She headed upstairs to change, and as she wiped her makeup off, she couldn't help scrutinizing her face. Ned was constantly telling her how beautiful and sexy she looked, how he wanted her just as much as he always had, and she appreciated the ego boost. Maybe he was blinded by his love for her. She didn't look the way she had when she was fifteen or twenty-one.

That made her remember the sole unused pregnancy test she had stashed under the sink, and she let out her breath in an audible sigh. Now that she was in "missed period" time, she didn't have to wait until first thing in the morning to take it. She could take it now...

She shook her head, her hands trembling slightly as she pulled the elastic out of her hair and scraped it back into a tighter ponytail. Not yet. She didn't want to greet Ned at the door with tears already pooled in her eyes and her welcome-home smile wobbling. She could endure the uncertainty for a little while longer.

A frilly pink-and-white polka-dotted apron was tied around her waist and the kitchen timer was just going off when she heard someone on the front steps. She hastily pressed the button to silence the timer, then raced for the living room and the entryway. The dining room table was already set, with two candles in candlesticks waiting to be lit. The smell of beef roast in rich, savory gravy and buttery, cheesy twice-baked potatoes was mouthwatering. Or maybe she was just really hungry. The night before, she had put together a gorgeously smooth French silk pie for their dessert, and she couldn't wait to see Ned's face when he tasted it.

Ned was just opening the door when she reached it, and his handsome face lit up with a grin when he saw her. "Hey beautiful," he said, leaving his bag beside the door as he shouldered it closed, then reached for her. He was still wrapped in his dark, heavy wool coat, a red scarf wrapped around his neck and lined leather gloves on his hands, but she still savored the closeness to him as he hugged her.

"Welcome home, handsome."

"Something smells incredible," he commented, releasing her and reaching for his scarf. "God, it's freezing out there. How was your day?"

"Mmm. Pretty good," she said, taking his coat as he took it off. "Especially now. How was your flight?"

"Bumpy. I would've sworn that I almost had no appetite, during the cab ride over... and then I smelled that." He gave her a grin and slid his arm around her waist, nuzzling against her neck.

She giggled and squirmed against him, patting his cheek. "Maybe no appetite for food, anyway," she teased him. "Go ahead and take your bag upstairs. Dinner's almost ready."

An hour later, Ned sat back with a pleased, contented groan, leaving only a few crumbs of crust on his plate as he slowly rubbed a palm over his midsection. After salad, crusty artisan bread, the roast and potatoes, and dessert, Nancy felt more than stuffed, too—even though the portions she had served for herself had been, at most, half the size of Ned's. "Incredible, honey," he told her, repeating the praise he had given her with the first bite of each dish. "Perfect meal for this freezing weather, and coming home. Thanks, sweetheart."

Nancy flushed a little, as she had every time, warmed by his effusive praise. "It was nothing," she demurred, glancing down and then back up into his eyes as she gathered her reddish-gold hair in her hand and let it tumble down to brush against her shoulder blades. Ned's hair had begun to gray a little at his temples, but for Nancy, it had begun up near the crown of her head, at her scalp. She didn't mind it so much as Bess clearly did in her own hair, but it did reinforce her worry that she and Ned were already too old to have biological children. Though Bess had pointedly told her that _she_ had started to go gray at twenty-five, as her hair stylist could attest.

Still, when Ned gazed at her the way he did, she felt beautiful, desirable, completely happy. For years, she had thought she would never know this joy again, and had been too afraid to imagine the alternative. "It was great," he corrected her. "I love you, babe."

That made her small grin even bigger. "Love you too, Nickerson. Want to work off some calories and help me load the dishwasher?"

"I can think of some far more interesting ways to work off some calories," he told her, provoking another giggle. Still, he reached for his plates and wineglass, taking them to the kitchen behind her.

She knew he wouldn't be expecting it, so she whirled around on her heels and walked backward, facing him as she backed into the kitchen. "So, New York?"

She caught the flicker of surprise before he mastered his expression again, and then he shook his head when she smirked. "You are _so_ proud of yourself, aren't you, Drew."

"A little," she singsonged, and when Ned made a sudden lunge and gently tickled her, she cried out with laughter and let him chase her to the sink.

Once they had slotted all the dishes into the dishwasher and cleaned up the kitchen and the dining room, Nancy didn't feel quite so uncomfortably full anymore, and she and Ned settled down on the couch together. "So does New York sound good to you? A suite at the Plaza, a really great romantic dinner by candlelight... You know, make an event of it. So I can spoil my girl."

He had his arm wrapped around her shoulders, and she turned to look at him. God, how she loved him. She loved him so much.

And what he was saying might be just the perfect consolation. "It does sound good," she told him with a smile.

He searched her eyes. "What's wrong?"

She shook her head and took a deep breath. "Uh... it does sound great. I mean it. I just... uh, my period... is late."

He raised his eyebrows, but she could tell that he was working to keep himself somewhat impassive. "Does... does that mean...?"

She shrugged and made herself look into his eyes. "I don't know," she said, and gave him a weak smile. "I've been too afraid to... to find out for sure."

"How late?"

She glanced down. "Tomorrow's a week," she said softly.

"Oh." He rubbed his palm over her shoulder blades in a comforting stroke. "So do you want to wait a day or two?"

"Kind of," she admitted. "But it's been torture, waiting. And... I'm sorry, but if I'm pregnant—" Her voice cracked a little. "It would be bad to fly. We could take the train, though? I know it would take longer..."

"Yeah," he murmured, tilting his head as he considered. "Or we could take a rain check. We could travel when the timing is better for you. I just..."

"I know," she whispered. "I'm afraid to hope, too. I have one last test upstairs. I almost took it right before you got here."

He squeezed her shoulder. "But you didn't want to know the answer."

"Yeah." She sniffled.

"Nan, it's gonna be okay. No matter what happens, we'll be okay. Right?"

She nodded. "We will," she agreed. "No matter what. And I... I think I'm ready to find out. Just give me a few minutes..."

He shook his head. "I'll come upstairs with you. Need to work some of that delicious dinner off, anyway."

As soon as they reached the landing, though, Nancy's steps slowed. "Here," Ned murmured, reaching for her hand. "We can just hang out for a minute. Okay? We have time."

She gave him a sad smile, and hated that her eyes were filling with tears. "Do we?" she whispered. Then she sniffled. "I'm sorry."

He shook his head, turning to fully face her, and used his thumbs to wipe away the tears that slid down her cheeks. "Of course we do," he told her, his voice firm, but he gave her a smile. "We found each other again. If somehow this doesn't work out, we'll find some great little boy or girl who needs a mom and dad as much as we need him or her. You want to be a mom, Nan, and I want to be a dad, and when we're together, nothing's going to stop us. Nothing will stop us."

She nodded. "Okay," she whispered.

"Okay." He leaned down and gave her a soft, sweet kiss. "Come here," he murmured.

Together they laid down on their oversized bed, and Ned pulled her into his arms. She buried her face against his strong, muscular chest, breathing in and relaxing for what felt like the first time in days. She never felt so safe and secure and loved as she did in his arms. No matter what happened, she would have this waiting for her.

That didn't mean she didn't want it. She wanted the test to be positive, more than she could possibly say.

Ned rubbed his palm over her back. "I love you," he whispered. "Always have. You know that you're my world, Nan."

"And you're mine," she whispered. "We'll be okay. No matter what."

"That's right." He kissed her forehead. "We'll be okay, as long as we're together."

Once she was feeling a little more steady, she cupped his cheek under her palm and gave him a long, slow kiss, then slid out of bed. She had taken the tests so many times before that she knew how to do it without reading the instructions, but she did so anyway. She only had one, and if it read positive, she knew she wouldn't quite believe it, not without further confirmation... but she wasn't expecting it to be positive.

As soon as she had slotted the cap back on, she saw the lines starting to form. She forced herself to look away, setting the timer on her cell phone. Then she closed her eyes.

_Please_ , she thought. _Please, if not for me, please let me be pregnant for Ned. Maybe I don't deserve it, but he will be such a great father. Please, let it work this time._

She went back into the bedroom, her cell phone in her hand. Ned was seated at the edge of the bed, his hands clasped, hunched forward. Clearly he was anxious too, and his dark eyes searched hers for any sign as she let her gaze rest on his face.

"It'll be ready in a minute," she murmured.

He nodded. "And I guess whatever will be true then is true now," he replied softly.

She shrugged, sitting down beside him. "It doesn't feel that way," she told him. "I don't know why. I guess it's the hope that things will be different this time, and then knowing whether that hope meant anything. But I think the hardest thing in the world for me, will be going back in there to read it."

He slid his arm around her. "I love you."

"I love you too." She rested her head against his shoulder. "Tell me about your trip."

He chuckled. "All right," he murmured. "It was exciting, to see what I'll be doing once the agency is up and off the ground, but I have to admit that I missed you, beautiful. The Houston airport was a nightmare, like it always is..."

She was listening, but she was all too aware of what was about to happen. When the timer on her phone went off a minute later, she silenced it. Ned had cut himself off mid-sentence, and the two of them gazed speechlessly at each other. It was the last moment before she would _know_ , and at least she could hold onto that slight hope, for as long as she didn't look.

"Do you want me to go get it?"

He was just as nervous as she was. She gave him a small smile, and he gave her shoulder a squeeze. "Okay."

When he walked back in with it, his brow was a little furrowed, and she realized. He had very likely never seen one before. She hadn't shown him the tests during her other ill-fated pregnancies. "How do I read it?"

Nancy interlaced her fingers as her hands rested on her thighs, trying to keep them from shaking. She had the instructions memorized. "Just one line straight across, horizontal, is a negative, in the big window," she said. "The smaller window is just to show that the test is working, so if you don't see anything there, it didn't work."

"Okay... so it worked."

Nancy's heart skipped a beat, and Ned sat down beside her. She couldn't help it. Her gaze immediately went to the larger window.

"Oh God," she whispered.

"So... the other line?"

Nancy nodded. "It's positive," she whispered.

"It is?"

He had never known until after the fact, until it was over. He had never known when she had been pregnant, only when she had miscarried. When he looked over at her, his eyes were shining.

She nodded. "Yeah, it's... it's real," she whispered.

"Oh my God..."

He wrapped her in a tight hug that he immediately relaxed, apologizing, and Nancy laughed as she told him it was all right.

"I want to call my parents," he said, and then shook his head. "But I can't, yet, can I."

Nancy shook her head too, her smile fading a little. "Not for another few months," she told him. "Not until it's safer."

He shook his head. "I can't believe it," he whispered.

"I know," she said, running her fingers through his hair, wishing she could share the joy and wonder she could see reflected in his expression. "Maybe the third time will be the charm," she murmured, speaking her own thoughts.

"I hope so," Ned said fervently. "Oh God, I hope so. I know... I guess I don't know, not really, how hard this has been for you, but thanks for letting me know. To be here when you found out. I just..."

She cupped his cheeks with her palms. She didn't want to let her fear and anxiety color his joy, and she felt a thousand things, all at once: dread and hope, happiness and fear. "I love you so much," she murmured. "And I want to share this with you. With all my heart."

He kissed her, slowly, still embracing her. "Me too, Nan." Then he grinned. "I never thought I'd be glad to say this, but it sounds like we'll be sticking around Chicago for Valentine's Day?"

"Sounds like it," she agreed, chuckling when he brushed the tip of his nose against hers.

"Mmm. So I'll need to find some amazing restaurant to make some reservations, because my wife is absolutely _not_ going to be slaving away over the stove for our Valentine's meal. And we'll just need to take a rain check on the champagne for a while..."

"Maybe next year," she nodded. She couldn't help remembering what he wasn't saying: that the first time she had found out she was pregnant, they had been married, but their lives had been separate. She hadn't had the opportunity share this moment with him. Once she had known, she hadn't wanted to make him choose between being a father and being an NBA star. Now, he wouldn't have to.

"What happens now?"

She glanced away, taking a deep breath. "I go to the doctor for a blood test to confirm this one," she said. "This early... this is when things are most likely to... go wrong. When I'm at two months... we go for an ultrasound and a checkup, just to make sure everything is okay. Once I'm at three months, that's when we can start telling people."

"Three _months_? So this is, what, week one?"

She smiled. "Actually, this would be the end of week four. Tomorrow would start week five."

He raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah. They count from the first day of the last period. Even though I'm only _really_ about three weeks pregnant."

He shook his head. "So, less than two months until we can tell people."

She chuckled, even though fear was churning in her gut again. "Maybe."

He cupped her cheeks when he saw her expression. "We're going to be positive," he told her, searching her eyes, his voice earnest. "Positive and optimistic and all those other good words. It'll work out this time. It will."

No matter how much she wanted to believe him... he had to know that it wasn't so simple. Even so, she nodded obediently. "It will."

He leaned forward and kissed her again. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

They went back downstairs to watch a movie and cuddle together. Ned gently slid out from under her during a commercial break, stood up and stretched, glanced down at her. "I'm going to grab another piece of pie. Want one?"

"I can get it—"

Ned shook his head, holding up a hand. "No. I'm already up." He gave her a smile so unabashedly happy that it made her smile, too. "Just a little one?"

She considered. "The same as whatever you get. Since I know you'll finish off whatever I don't eat."

"You know me too well," Ned said with a wink. A few minutes later, he returned with two slices of pie and two glasses of milk.

As Nancy closed her eyes, savoring the taste of chocolate on her tongue, she found her thoughts straying to it again. The townhouse's bedrooms were all upstairs. Too many stairs for a child...

_No,_ she told herself. _It's too early. Don't jinx it._

But Ned's enthusiasm was infectious. Several times during the movie, she glanced over and saw that he had a wide grin on his face, one completely unrelated to the action on the screen. It was his first time, thinking he might be a father. She just didn't want it to be the last, or for this to end the same way again.

_Please. For him, if not for me. Please._

He had finished off his own piece of pie, and half of hers once she had given up, by the end of the movie. Her head was resting on his shoulder, her legs tucked up beside her on the couch.

Ned's lips brushed her temple, and then his fingers stroked her cheek. "Tired?"

"I was," she admitted. "I feel a little more awake now, though. And I've missed you." She nuzzled against him, and she knew he understood when she felt his pulse speed up a little, beneath the brush of her lips.

He swallowed. "I don't want to—hurt you."

"You never have before," she pointed out mildly, brushing another kiss against his cheek before she tossed the afghan draped over their laps away.

"You know what I mean."

She dipped her head in acknowledgement. "We just need to take it slow," she said. "But I'm not made of glass or crystal now. It's all right."

Whatever misgivings he had seemed to have vanished once he joined her in their bedroom, teeth brushed, faces washed. She had put on a whisper-thin black-mesh bra and panty set, appliquéd with gold-trimmed flowers, in anticipation of his homecoming, and he groaned in appreciation when he saw her underwear. "Mmm. You look so gorgeous."

She smirked when he made a show of hastily taking off his own sweater, revealing his firm, muscular chest. "Right back at you," she said, backing up to the mattress, her gaze locked to him. "It's chilly in here. Come warm me up."

"Always," he murmured.

They had learned from each other how to make love, slow and sweet, rough and screaming, every way they could imagine. She hadn't lied when she had told him he was the best lover she'd ever had, and she knew it had to be the same for him. They were meant for each other, and it could never be this good with anyone else. Never.

"Ooh, I take it back," she said suddenly, and Ned's eyes widened in surprise as he began to push his pants down his hips. "You _did_ hurt me that one time. But it was only because you tripped."

Ned realized what she was talking about and began to laugh as he stripped the rest of his clothes off. "And we were both pretty drunk," he remembered.

"I don't even remember why you were carrying me."

"Because it was _romantic._ " He crossed to his side of the bed as she slid under the covers with another shiver. "And then we were on the floor and laughing. And that was pretty romantic too."

She smiled. "You're the most romantic guy I know," she said, reaching for him as he slid toward her. "I'm so glad we're together. Really _together._ "

He nodded. "You were always the best part of my life," he murmured, and she shivered when he cupped her hip. "And this... I..."

She knew him as well as she knew herself, and when he trailed off, unable to find the words, she smiled at him again. She stroked her thumb over his cheek as he leaned down and nuzzled against her. "I know," she whispered. "Oh God, I want it to work this time..."

"It will," he murmured. "I know it will."

He treated her gently, the way he had when they had first learned each other and what it meant to make love, when it was delicate and slow and sweet. He stroked her and caressed her and fondled her, teasing her breasts and the join of her thighs until she was sprawled under him, gasping for breath, begging him to move inside her. She clung to him, stroking her palms down his muscular back as he kneeled over her.

And it was just as intense as it always was, gazing into his eyes as he made love to her, as she propped her weight on her heels and moved with his thrusts. This act had created their child, and making love to him after her most recent miscarriage had almost broken her heart, but she had needed it. Just like she needed this now.

They had been making love for over a year, now. They had made love as though their marriage had never truly ended, and she supposed that, in a way, it hadn't. They had spent a lot of their first marriage living apart. The time they had been divorced had just been their biggest break. And despite the hurt and sadness, they had never stopped loving each other.

She loved him even more, now, because she could. Because he was here with her, and he had taken her back, even after everything. She loved him more because for years she had been unable to express it, and she poured it all out on him double.

He was her lover, the other half of herself. She'd had sex with other men, after him, but it hadn't been this way with anyone else. It never could have been.

She gasped when his thumb rubbed against her clit; she began to sob as he moved in her with longer thrusts, and she could tell how hard it was for him to hold back. "Oh my God, _yes,_ " she sobbed in encouragement, her wide eyes searching his. "So good, feels so fucking _good_..."

He nodded. "You know it does," he growled, moving inside her again. "Mmm, just like that..."

He filled her, so perfectly, and she let out a high scream, tipping her head back as her orgasm crashed over her. It didn't happen every time, but oh God, he was patient, and he loved it just as much as she did. He loved the feel of her, slick and tight as she clenched around his cock. He loved to see her spent and defenseless after, barely able to move or speak.

They kept moving together, in slower and slower thrusts, until she released a low pleading moan, wrapping her arms around him. He closed his eyes and she felt it, that jerk of his hips as he gave in and let himself reach his climax. He released a quiet stuttering sigh, relaxing onto the bed, making sure he didn't crush her beneath his weight.

This was her favorite way to sleep, and always had been, ever since their wedding night: sated and naked in her husband's arms, drunk with happiness and love. He was hers. Sometimes she still couldn't believe he was hers.

"I love you," he whispered, and kissed the crown of her head.

"I love you," she murmured, her lashes fluttering down as she began to relax into the weightlessness of sleep.

\--

Valentine's Day.

They had spent the first Valentine's Day of their renewed relationship in Chicago, and to her, it wasn't disappointing at all to open her eyes and find that she was sleeping beside her husband in their own oversized bed on the holiday. They were cuddled together under the flocked burgundy comforter, and the dawn wasn't even beginning to creep across the sky. Why had she...

Oh, yes.

Ned groaned. As soon as she felt him stir, she knew he would take care of it, and she felt her body begin to relax again.

Then her eyes popped open. Of course she had to go to the bathroom now. That was just the way things worked.

When she returned, Ned was back in bed, but he was sitting up and the bedside lamp was on. Nancy turned hers on too, sliding back under the covers; her bare legs were chilly, and her teeth were chattering a little.

"Hey sweetheart."

Ned stifled a yawn. "He didn't want to go back to sleep after I changed him," he reported. "Look at him. Wide awake."

Nancy chuckled, even though she felt half-crazed with exhaustion too, and reached down to brush her thumb over their son's cheek. His dark eyes widened, and he flailed happily, then began to try to turn onto his stomach.

While they had been considering names—and Nancy had only begun to consider names once she was past the point she had reached during her first pregnancy—she had known that their son's name would be a sort of olive branch. She had done everything she could to prove to the people in Ned's life who loved him, whose loyalty to him made them suspicious of her, that she had no intention of ever leaving him again, of making him so terribly miserable again. And Ned's parents had definitely been coming around. Nancy knew a great deal of that was due to Ned; he refused to act like either of them should be self-conscious or walk on eggshells, that they should just be confident and in love with each other. He didn't doubt her, and no one should doubt her either.

And anyone who wanted Ned Nickerson to be happy could have no doubt that he was, when he was around his wife. They were building the life they had always dreamed of having. Having a baby would just make it that much more complete, and it would show anyone who still wondered about her just how committed she was to their relationship.

Not that she cared, anymore. Ned and the baby were the biggest priorities in her life. They were one in their love for the child she carried, the baby they had hoped and prayed for so long. No one else mattered nearly so much to her.

Henry was a family name on both Ned's side and Nancy's; it was his grandfather's first name. Coleman was another family name, one that had been passed down to Ned, and they made that their son's middle name too. Henry had been born a week early, and he was unmistakably a Nickerson; he looked almost exactly like Ned and Ned's father. They joked that Henry had all the nurses in the hospital wrapped around his perfectly tiny pinky within an hour of his birth, and his path to world domination had begun.

Henry was only six months old now, but Nancy and Ned were certain that he was the smartest infant who had ever lived. He had learned how to roll, and he was working on crawling; Edith happily reported his progress whenever Nancy or Ned picked him up from Ned's parents' house. As far as Edith was concerned, the birth of her first grandchild meant all sins were forgiven.

And whenever Nancy looked into Henry's dark eyes, she melted with love. Henry gave her a grin, a few new teeth showing through his gums, as he began trying to roll over again. When his eyes crinkled with a smile, she saw her father in him.

"Mmm. Think he needs the teething ring?"

"Maybe. Would you..."

"Got it." Ned tickled Henry under his chin, and Henry giggled and flailed; then Ned slid out from under the covers again, going in search of one of the teething rings, stashed in the refrigerator.

Nancy picked up their son and brought her knees up, then let him sit against her belly, his back and head propped up by her legs. "So, handsome. Teeth bothering you? Or do you just want to play?"

Henry released a sound between a giggle and a happy cry, and his fingers momentarily gripped her own as she slid it against his tiny palm. Then he tipped forward, and she realized what he wanted.

Henry didn't nurse as often as he had when he was just born, and Nancy knew it wouldn't be for too much longer, but she still loved the closeness of it, seeing his dark eyes and feeling the smoothness of his cheek against her skin. His lashes had drifted down when Ned came back into the room, and then his eyes opened again. He released Nancy's nipple with a soft pop, and she swiped at the few drops of milk that had escaped his rosebud lips.

Once Henry's attention was focused on the teething ring instead of nursing, Nancy pulled her nightshirt back down with a little sigh, snuggling deeper under the covers. Henry was snug in his red and gray stripe sleeper, although his socks had come off, as they always did. She helped support his back as Ned played with him, and Henry kicked with glee as Ned solemnly counted his toes.

Apparently some babies preferred one parent over the other. Bess said that had happened with her daughters. Henry loved both Nancy and Ned, though. If he was scared or anxious, he would reach for whoever was closest to him. It had made Nancy a little jealous the first few times, but she wanted Henry to love both of them. She wanted Henry to feel safe and loved with either of them.

Then Ned picked Henry up, patting his back to burp him, smoothly as a pro. "You know they're already placing bets," he told Henry, his tone conversational, and kissed his son's temple. "You'll be number-one draft pick in a couple of decades."

Nancy chuckled as Henry burped. "Uh-huh."

"Maybe you'll start with the Bulls like Daddy did." Ned cleaned Henry's lips, and their son giggled. His expression was one of pure, unmitigated joy, and Nancy's heart warmed, although she knew what it meant: they would be lucky to get _any_ more sleep before the sun came up.

"I love you, baby," Ned told Henry, smoothing his fine dark hair under his palm. "Getting to meet you meant more to me than anything else." He shrugged a little in Nancy's direction. "And right behind that is the day I met your mom. Have I told you about that?"

Nancy had no doubt that was a bedtime story Ned would never tire of telling their son, and she listened to his voice as she relaxed back toward sleep herself. Ned's voice was soft and conversational, inflected at all the right times, but he didn't change any of the words; Henry wouldn't have understood them yet anyway. She could hear him shaking his head as he told Henry that a bad, greedy man had set the house on fire, and she smiled as she sleepily glanced up at Ned again. Whenever Ned paused, Henry babbled at him, as though encouraging him to continue. Nancy reached for Henry's side and stroked it, feeling the warmth of him through the fabric, and watched the way his sweet dark eyes stayed on his father. Henry emitted a burbling happy cry when Ned said, "And then I saw your mommy for the very first time..."

She loved Ned with her whole heart, and always had. Henry... from the moment she had first let herself believe that she might meet their son, the fierce, pleading love she felt for him had become something else. He was more important to her than anything else in the world. And Ned had given him to her.

This was what she had wanted for so long. The love of her life, and their child. Snug in their house, warm against the snow and ice piled outside, happy and safe.

She woke again when Ned yawned. His bedtime story had worked, and Henry was miraculously asleep. The bed shifted as Ned lifted Henry and carried him back to his crib in the next room, and Nancy's eyes were closed when Ned returned to the bed. He chuckled when he saw that her bedside lamp was off, and he turned his off too before he moved back under the covers.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Nan," Ned whispered.

She smiled, moving closer to him as he draped his arm over her. "Happy Valentine's Day," she whispered.

They were hers, despite everything, and she was the luckiest woman in the world.


End file.
